https://lifehopeandtruth.com/relationships/marriage/5-traits-men-should-look-for-in-a-godly-woman/
https://lifehopeandtruth.com/relationships/marriage/5-traits-men-should-look-for-in-a-godly-woman/
https://lifehopeandtruth.com/relationships/marriage/5-traits-men-should-look-for-in-a-godly-woman/
https://lifehopeandtruth.com/relationships/marriage/5-traits-men-should-look-for-in-a-godly-woman/
https://lifehopeandtruth.com/relationships/marriage/5-traits-men-should-look-for-in-a-godly-woman/
https://www.cgi.org/armor?bblinkid=248072375&bbemailid=28607162&bbejrid=1844989971
https://www.cgi.org/armor?bblinkid=248072375&bbemailid=28607162&bbejrid=1844989971
If you would like to add any articles relevant to the Church of God singles, please let us know! We are happy to print helpful articles on this website!
No one goes through life without trials. And being single can indeed be a trial. But so is poor health, being childless, losing a mate, being out of work, bearing a handicapped child, etc. So unless you are also going to look at others with various trials and ask if there’s “something wrong” with them, you shouldn’t look at yourself as single as being any different or having any greater trial than they do. Paul was talking to those in the Church when he said, “No temptation [trial] has overtaken you except such as is common to man …” (1 Corinthians 10:13, emphasis added).
While a good marriage is wonderful and to be desired, being single is definitely superior to being in a bad marriage. The heart-wrenching anguish of being married to someone who is totally incompatible to you, abusive, immature or selfish is so much worse than being single that there is no comparison! You think it’s a trial being single? Try being married to the wrong person!
God promotes marriage, but He neither promises that all will be married nor that all marriages will be happy. He wants us to have children, but He neither promises that all marriage unions will have them nor that all babies will be born perfect. He heals and blesses and protects, but He doesn’t promise that we’ll never suffer.
Being single may be a trial—but it’s not a disgrace!
When I was single, I suffered from a malady that made my life miserable. If you’re single, I wonder if you ever suffer from this disease? Are you worried that you might never find a mate? Are you discouraged that your congregation has too few singles to choose from?
Do you date outside the faith because there’s nobody for you inside the Church? Do you feel you are sort of wasting your time getting to know members who are not potential mates?
These were some of the symptoms of my own malady. I could go on describing how I judged every function’s potential to be a success or failure solely on whether there were any “interesting” singles there. I could tell you how I would look around any group and feel immediately depressed when I couldn’t spot any singles I thought were attractive or even in my age bracket. Sound familiar?
Eventually I discovered that the disease, of which these are all symptoms, is simple self-centeredness—and I had a nice large dose of it! If being completely consumed with myself had been the key to happiness, I’d have been extremely happy. But, alas, selfishness has one infallible end: “For where envy and self-seeking exist, confusion and every evil thing are there” (James 3:16)
Do you envy married people or other singles who seem more “marriageable” than you? Are you confused about how to find a mate and what God wants of you as a single person? Do you feel like you just keep going in circles, beating your head against the wall in the whole dating scene? If so, then I rest James’ case! Self-seeking is probably the problem.
Some have a wholly mistaken idea that you cannot grow much or contribute much or be balanced or truly accepted unless and until you are married. Yet Paul, Jesus Christ and many other great Christian men and women were not married for all or most of their lives. And there are many single people in God’s Church who lead exemplary lives and are happy and fulfilled.
The Solution
These happy singles have undoubtedly found the solution to the problem of self-seeking, which Paul describes in Philippians 2:4, “Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others.”
What if—instead of trying so hard to find a mate for yourself—you tried to help other singles meet their potential mates? What if—instead of getting discouraged because there’s no one you want to date in your congregation—you brought singles together for fun and fellowship so they wouldn’t feel so lonely? What if you stopped always thinking about fulfilling your own dreams and thought about helping others fulfill theirs?
When you look out for the interests of others and get your mind off yourself, all kinds of wonderful things can happen. There is no greater joy than in giving—that’s why God Himself gives so much. So when you stop trying to get for yourself and focus on others’ success and happiness, you will be happier—guaranteed.
And if your motives for approaching singles of the opposite sex are truly altruistic, you will probably be more confident and welcomed by them. Haven’t you men found many a single woman defensive when you try to talk to her? That’s because your “hidden” motives for talking to her aren’t all that hidden! But if you approach a single because you’re trying to get people together as a group, he or she will probably be much more receptive. You’ll also find you have much more confidence when you’re trying to help others.
And if you want to be married one day, why not acquire the absolutely essential trait of selflessness now? All singles can grow in this area in the same way married people do—by looking out for the interests of others instead of just themselves. And you will be far more “eligible” if you develop this trait as a single person because all married people must learn to put another person’s needs before their own or their marriage won’t succeed.
Instead of Dating
Do you know singles who do not like to date? Provide a safe place for them to socialize—a group-oriented setting where everyone can just be friends. Do you know singles who find meeting people awkward? Ask them to join a group outing and bring along some of the singles they’d like to get to know. Open your home for movie nights or potlucks or have small private dinner parties where you can help singles meet who might not otherwise. Make it your job to bring people out; to help them feel comfortable; to promote friendship and friendly discussions.
As an aside: many singles don’t like large single activities. Wrong or right, they may see them as “meat markets” or sizing-up contests. However they might like smaller, handpicked dinner parties or outings. Everyone doesn’t have to be a part of everything. Instead of criticizing some for not joining in, create different opportunities for all.
There’s one other benefit from helping others in this way. It’s quite possible that you could get to know someone on a deeper level that you didn’t think you’d be interested in and find he or she is your soul mate. This should not be your goal in helping others, but it does happen! I know because it happened to me!
I began getting groups together simply to have something to do on Friday and Saturday evenings; and in time, I found the love of my life! My husband and I had a very solid bond of friendship long before we ever dated one-on-one. It led to love and a very happy marriage.
Traditional dating is too often counterproductive to friendship and often leaves a trail of heartache and grief, especially if it has led to any kind of intimacy with no commitment. Dating one-on-one is a perfect setup for rushing into romance and intimacy without any previous bond or friendship; most people wouldn’t actually treat good friends the way they do “dates”!
Instead of feeling sorry for yourself that you aren’t married, or dismayed because God hasn’t sent your soul mate to you, get proactive and try to help others fulfill their dreams. I guarantee you that the one who will benefit the most will be you!
“If you give, you will receive. Your gift will return to you in full measure, pressed down, shaken together to make room for more, and running over. Whatever measure you use in giving—large or small—it will be used to measure what is given back to you” (Luke 6:38, New Living Translation).
Do you occasionally lack confidence in yourself? Are you at times uncomfortable in social situations? Do you sometimes feel shy, rejected, lonely? Well, join the crowd! Almost everyone feels this way at some time in his or her life.
However, I was different. I was one of those people who felt this way most of the time. If you’d looked up “self-conscious” in the dictionary, it would have had my picture. Okay, not really. But it seemed to me that almost everyone else was happy and confident, easily making friends, while I felt all alone! I didn’t grow up with an outgoing, confident personality and lived much of my young life in fear of what others might think of me.
As I got older I thought that the way to get people to like and accept me was to change myself—to be better dressed, better groomed, one who exhibited all the social manners and graces that society demands, well-read so I could be a better conversationalist, etc. And while these things are certainly good for all of us, they are not automatically going to make us feel accepted by others.
Many people today believe that having more self-esteem is the solution to all of our social problems. S elf-esteem implies that our esteem is wrapped up within ourselves. But if that is really so, then how come we aren’t all soaking in it? After all, just about everyone thinks of himself or herself almost constantly.
But with all this thinking of ourselves, we may still feel unaccepted. So how do we overcome shyness? How can we be accepted by others? Before answering these questions, let me tell you about an incident that changed my life.
A stuck-up snob?
By the time I got to college I had decided that to be liked I should say as little around others as possible. After all, if people didn’t have anything to criticize or dislike about me, they would like me, right? But that’s not how people work, and one brave young man finally told me the truth. He said I came across as a stuck-up snob!
I was devastated. Me? Shy, introverted, wouldn’t-hurt-a-soul, quiet, unassuming me? How could it be that through all my efforts to be completely inoffensive I had managed to do the complete opposite?
This mind-numbing revelation convinced me I had to change. And in my quest to do so, I stumbled onto a key to love and friendship the likes of which I would not have believed possible. To me it seemed stranger than fiction!
I discovered this incredibly simple but oh-so-important truth: Every person on earth has a need to be liked and accepted by others . It is not something we can learn to live without or overcome in some way. It is a basic human need, and the first step to being accepted is to remember that everyone we’ll ever meet also craves this.
Focus on others
Unfortunately most people try to gain acceptance by boosting their self-esteem (without considering their own conduct) or by acting up in some way. Many boast, act silly, bad, funny, dumb, shy, proud, etc. Yet the key to love and acceptance is captured succinctly in Proverbs 18:24: “A man who has friends must himself be friendly.” This simply means that if we want people to like us, we must like them first ! Rather than focusing on ourselves, as the self-esteem movement advises, we have to focus on others.
And herein lies the key to receiving the love and acceptance we all crave: It isn’t because people know us better that people like us. It is because we know thembetter that they like us! Strange but true! Philippians 2:3-4 shows us what to do: “Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself. Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others.”
When we show others that they are worthy of our respect and interest, they almost can’t help liking us. The more we try to get people to like us, usually the less they actually do! But the more we like others and show that we are interested in them , the more others will usually want to be around us .
What Jesus said
Jesus Himself confirmed this principle saying, “If you give, you will receive. Your gift will return to you in full measure, pressed down, shaken together to make room for more, and running over. Whatever measure you use in giving—large or small—it will be used to measure what is given back to you” (Luke 6:38, New Living Translation).
When we are concerned about others instead of constantly worrying about ourselves, others will be inclined to give us acceptance and friendship. (Of course we must remember that Jesus also said in John 15:20 that those who followed Him would face religious persecution.)
Every person we meet has ideas, experiences, cares and woes that he or she would so willingly share if only someone would ask—if only someone were truly interested. There is nothing more delightful than to find someone who truly wants to know and understand us. Aren’t you drawn to people who are interested in what you have to say, in how you think, in where you’ve been, in your opinions and experiences? So use that knowledge to reach out to others!
Bringing other people out of their shells is an art. And like any art, it can be learned and constantly improved. One key is to think of each person as a unique planet in the solar system—a planet that has buried treasure of new information we’ve never known before. Each person is a unique combination of genes, experiences, beliefs and ideals. If we will forget about ourselves for a moment, we can join in others’ laughter, sense their pain and imagine their dreams.
We can ask them what they think, how they feel, where they’ve been, what they like, how they do things—and then we can listen, really listen—with our eyes as well as our ears. (Did you know that some 50 percent or more of what people tell us is in their body language?) We can use words that help keep them talking and show that we are not only listening but that we want to hear more. Try words and phrases like, “I see!” “I’d never thought of it that way.” “Amazing!” “What happened then?” “How did you feel?” “Why…?” “When…?” “Where…?” “How…?” Of course one’s interest in others must be genuine.
People who are sincerely interested in other people will be loved and accepted. And when we are concentrating on others, a most wonderful thing happens: We forget about ourselves ! Give and it will be given to you! VT